Done

I think today was either day 4 or day 5, whatever it was- I'm done with the break, I've forced my self to snack a little more, eat a bit more junk than I normally would, generally resist the training mindset. Instead of feeling refreshed and rejuvenated for being off the hook for a few days, I have rot gut from eating shitty food, dehydrated from being stupid, and generally ready to get back on the bike, skis, running shoes or whatever vehicle gets me to my Happy Place. If nothing else this has taught me to appreciate what I have set myself up to do. I twittered the other day how much I was enjoying dark chocolate peanut buttercups, I'm not alone, it's an OK vice, considering, but now they only succeed in turning my stomach, the instant gratification is gone, replaced by guilt and nausea. Maybe I'll find some new coffee to focus on, not much else is working. Any ideas? Heart? De la Paz? Stumptown? Any input on the options is appreciated.

Telescope

I don't have a posse. I don't think I ever will. I do have good coffee and a lot of solitude today. A sleeping child offers a little too much. Too much time to let my mind wander, re think a lot of 2009. A few mistakes but a lot of moves put to right, put through the wringer a few, in the end of the 1st week of December I have the time to reflect and learn from the mistakes, draw on the success, build up.

Crystal Ball

I'm starting to look for a spot just like this. A place to ride, drift a little and pedal.

It already started, 2 days into my break and sure enough I'm waking up early looking to make my 1st espresso, hit the trails, or just kill time until the rest of the time zone wakes up. I'll get to about a week out of commission before I'll have to pull the plug, mount up the fenders and really begin 2010. It's ok, if it wasn't the beast would knaw at me for weeks until I capitulated. I need to do something, too many things playing over and over in my head, at least I can still not leave the house on weekends. That's always the nicest part of the break. Then it's just to pedal anyway.

Rolled

I missed the call this year, not setting up a real mud/snow day set of tubulars. Yesterday combined with the Blue Sky Cup a month ago put to right why that was a mistake. On a borrowed clincher (first time racing them since September) I rolled the front tire on an off camber high speed section while off the front with the eventual Winner. I earned 9 months of motivation yesterday, Road, MTB again is all gravy leading up to cross. Time to take a little break and get outside on the other stuff, no need to push 2010 yet, just get my shit together and make sure I have it all dialed for the fall.

Manage

I wonder sometimes what it would be like to put it away for a while, no real regimen or pressure to put together results. Having never been a real "PRO" it's been easier to get through bad seasons, knowing I wasn't letting a sponsor down (one where I'm catching a check), sometimes though I think it's worse, inward pressure. Enjoying my expectations, Ari Gold would say "Manage your client's expectations" I'm my own client and worst critic. It gets hard to be happy with anything less than a stellar result. But that's not always a result that quantifies my effort or skill or commitment. Recently it's been less about results and more about the process, whatever it was; road, mtb or Cross. It wasn't always a work ethic, it was an escape but now it is about getting out to do the work, the process of maximizing my time. Not just "going for a ride" but making that ride count because of all of the things that are being put on hold so I can do it. the thought of not doing this and putting in the time wakes me up at night, the idea of not living my pseudo-institutional life is confusing. How else would I avoid that donut or that extra helping, what would I do to take up this block of time that makes my head quiet(er)? It's this process that I love and respect, getting out of it would only succeed in trying to get back in it. I really enjoy my life as it is. It puts a smile on my face as I get to pedal, no matter what is under me and what it is keeps me warm. Inside my little cocoon I get to move around enough, and maybe on Sunday I will go the Bakery. The last one is tomorrow, at least the one I have on my radar. For now. At least in the next week or two. Unless someone schedules more cyclo-cross meetings.

Solo

More evidence that on Sunday that I did in fact ride a bike outside. Right now it's -10 outside. I was on the rollers today.

Surfeit

As the lines are getting burned into the gravel shoulder, the path and the wind burns them into my face I hear the end of the season coming. Rumors of extra racing makes me wonder if I can renege on the promise I made mid suffer back in September. I don't know how many times you can lie to yourself and expect the body to respond in kind. I want to find out. Sort of a field of dreams thing, if you hold it we will come. Who wouldn't want to race through New Years? Extra motivation to skip the second helping of potatoes, one less slice of ham, more water instead of soda or beer. Suffer later in the year to make the break that much shorter, if I can't flog myself with 50 or 60 of my closest friends why even show up at the dinner table? Earn your surfeit.

Sunday

Church

I went to the happy place. It was all there beautiful and scenic, so clear the taste of blood in throat only made it better. Everytime I went deep the system answered- funny how good volume makes for good racing. Untangling the knots with one weekend left. Can't it be longer?

I like it

I think I look down a little too much. I'm always checking to see if my knee has a funky wobble or if I'm pedaling my pedal out of the crank arm. Or, just looking at legs turning over my gear. With the shine going it's even more distracting. In the race I do it too, luckily I was only dealing with Jon and had less to be aware of aside from his tempo. Oh, and trying to win a cross race. I like how the embro pools the dust/dirt on certain spots on my leg, like that's more in the wind or more sticky, whatever it is I think I like it. Cross is just better this year the lactic acid tastes better the legs feel better and the wheels turn in a newer rhythm I'd lost for a few years.